Lost...

Today isn't any better. How do you accept the fact that someone you knew willingly took his life - willingly caused those who loved him pain and heartache? Especially when you know so many who have died that didn't have a choice?

I'm so mad at him - FRANK I'M MAD AT YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!

It doesn't matter that I haven't seen you in a year - it doesn't matter that we lost touch. YOU WENT AND LEFT US. Why?????

I wanna know why someone so young, dynamic, good looking, smart and talented was too stoopid to figure out how to call a shrink?????

But mostly I want to know why he thought this was the only way out. No note was found - it even took a few days for them to find the body. (Edited to add: A note was found, but hadn't been read as of last night - and it wasn't a few days - he had been dead a month before he was found).

He was in the service at one point. It was his service revolver that did the deed.

I'll never have the answers. None of us will.

I wish I could find the audio code for this song, but I can't. One of my favourites, I dedicate it not just to Frank, but to all those we've ever lost.

Just Once More

(Matthew & Gunnar Nelson)

I've got a million pictures in my heart and here at home

But I'm afraid that they'll just fade with time

And photographs are cold

And a memory's hard to hold

And I never got the chance to say goodbye

One more day-one more night

One more chance to get it right

A few more words-a few more laughs

Doesn't seem too much to ask

And I know it's just a dream

But I'd give everything

If you'd walk through that door just once more

Sometimes I catch myself asking you out loud

What you'd do if you were in my place

'Cause every day in every way

I've tried to make you proud

I wish that I could tell you face to face

One more day-one more night

One more chance to get it right

A few more words-a few more laughs

Doesn't seem too much to ask

And I know it's just a dream

But I'd give everything

If you'd walk through that door just once more

Seasons come and seasons go

But love lives on-you taught me so

Oh-I've been blessed, I don't think twice

But wouldn't it be nice

One more day-one more night

One more chance to get it right

A few more words-a few more laughs

Doesn't seem too much to ask

And I know it's just a dream

But I'd give everything

If you'd walk through that door just once more

I love you Frank - I'll miss you soldier boy.

Stay sane inside insanity - and never forget your towel.

Just Once More Matthew Nelsongs/Gunnar Nelsongs; BMI/Minka Music/Maverick Music/WB Music Corp./ASCAP/McJames Music;BMI © 1997 All Rights Reserved