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Friday, January 26, 2007

Lost...

Today isn't any better. How do you accept the fact that someone you knew willingly took his life - willingly caused those who loved him pain and heartache? Especially when you know so many who have died that didn't have a choice?

I'm so mad at him - FRANK I'M MAD AT YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!

It doesn't matter that I haven't seen you in a year - it doesn't matter that we lost touch. YOU WENT AND LEFT US. Why?????

I wanna know why someone so young, dynamic, good looking, smart and talented was too stoopid to figure out how to call a shrink?????

But mostly I want to know why he thought this was the only way out. No note was found - it even took a few days for them to find the body. (Edited to add: A note was found, but hadn't been read as of last night - and it wasn't a few days - he had been dead a month before he was found).

He was in the service at one point. It was his service revolver that did the deed.

I'll never have the answers. None of us will.

I wish I could find the audio code for this song, but I can't. One of my favourites, I dedicate it not just to Frank, but to all those we've ever lost.



Just Once More

(Matthew & Gunnar Nelson)



I've got a million pictures in my heart and here at home
But I'm afraid that they'll just fade with time
And photographs are cold
And a memory's hard to hold
And I never got the chance to say goodbye


One more day-one more night
One more chance to get it right
A few more words-a few more laughs
Doesn't seem too much to ask
And I know it's just a dream
But I'd give everything
If you'd walk through that door just once more


Sometimes I catch myself asking you out loud
What you'd do if you were in my place
'Cause every day in every way
I've tried to make you proud
I wish that I could tell you face to face

One more day-one more night
One more chance to get it right
A few more words-a few more laughs
Doesn't seem too much to ask
And I know it's just a dream
But I'd give everything
If you'd walk through that door just once more

Seasons come and seasons go
But love lives on-you taught me so
Oh-I've been blessed, I don't think twice
But wouldn't it be nice

One more day-one more night
One more chance to get it right
A few more words-a few more laughs
Doesn't seem too much to ask
And I know it's just a dream
But I'd give everything
If you'd walk through that door just once more



I love you Frank - I'll miss you soldier boy.



Stay sane inside insanity - and never forget your towel.



Just Once More Matthew Nelsongs/Gunnar Nelsongs; BMI/Minka Music/Maverick Music/WB Music Corp./ASCAP/McJames Music;BMI © 1997 All Rights Reserved

5 comments:

Bond said...

ANGELL
As I told you in email, it is so hard to have this happen. Those who decide to exit this way nevr consider the people they have left behind...those who love them and would have been there to help- if they only reached out.

So Sorry Angell...HUG

Meribah said...

I feel for you, Angell. Losing someone to an accident or disease is one thing...but to lose someone because they gave up on life is quite another. Just remember that we are here for you. Hugs.

Travis said...

I'm sorry for this loss.

Dana said...

You have every right to be mad and to grieve. Go ahead and let it out.

Maryfly said...

unfortunately I've been thru this many times. I'm not sure if saying I know what your going thru helps. Time does heal some but you never forget. Like Dana said, let it out, I found out the worst thing is to hold the anger in. I'm here if you need to talk. hugs

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With love and pride