Friday, May 30, 2008

Obsess much?

Ok, I'll admit it. Freely and without shame. I am obsessed.

I am obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean.

I have watched the third installment, At Worlds End, at least four times in the last week - start to finish, front to back, and in one case, back to front.

I can probably recite Curse of the Black Pearl for you verbatim. I'm working on memorizing the other two. Rest assured if I had the money to, I'd be camped out at Disney's Castaway Cay for the next six months whilst I memorized every inch of the Flying Dutchman.

I have dreams where I am as beautiful as Kiera Knightly and I am the lucky girl who won the role of Elizabeth Swann. The incredibly lucky girl who gets to make out with BOTH of these delicious, mouth watering, wet dream inducing wonders of nature.

What woman in her right mind would turn THAT down? Certainly not me. However, we all know that I am no Keira Knightly, and I'm not ever going to have the chance to star opposite those amazingly sculpted Gods of the Seas.

So I keep watching, and I keep dreaming. What harm could this MINOR obsession cause? None right?

You keep telling yourself that luv....

Umm.. Just ignore the the voices....I try to....

I think I'll make my next movie party one with a pirates and wenches theme. All three movies - one blissful night.

On second thought - maybe I should make that my next Saturday alone. After all....who wants to share?

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Still under house arrest

Ok, so that's not completely true. I am ALLOWED to leave the house - I'm just not allowed to do it alone. And legally, I still can't drive until I'm cleared by my cardiologist. At least that's the way I understand it. So, here I sit - surfing, watching tv, and doing light housework until my stress test on June 2. Hardly anyone calls, and no one stops by. I get emails. But that's about it.

I'M BORED. I'm so bored my brain has atrophied into zilch-ness. I read blogs (and I HAVE been reading them guys), but I don't comment. And sometimes the content doesn't even register in my head. I'm going stir crazy, and I can't even come up with a creative sentence or two to describe THAT. I have four stories on the go, including one that I was challenged to by my editor, and I haven't made headway on a single one.

I can't do any heavy lifting, so that leaves out laundry and most housework. I can't walk on my own in case I experience chest pains - at least until MY STRESS TEST. This is what's going to kill me - the stress BEFORE the stress test. And that test is going to take five FREAKING HOURS. I hope to God they're not expecting me to stay on the treadmill that long. I just did an exersize stress test for my cardiac wellness program yesterday and I was only able to stay on it 8 minutes. Of course, they increase the speed and incline every 20 seconds, so that makes it a bit different from my treadmill here at home. Plus I was in lousy shape before this attack occurred.

Of course, it's all for my health, and I realize that. But I didn't realize that having so much time on my hands was going to be so boring. You know we all have those days when we're sitting at our desk at work, and we think of a dozen things at home that need to be done that we could be doing instead of being at work. I had those days often. Now I have been home all this time, and only two of the projects I've been wanting to do got done because of the limitations on my movement. So once I get back to work, I'm going to have more of those moments, and it's going to drive me batty.

I'm also thinking of quitting my job. Not my security job - which I love more than any other job I've ever had before - but the boring day job. Truth of the matter is, it's not paying enough for me to invest in my future, and I need to be somewhere I can move up in the company. Right now, there is nowhere for me to go. So I started thinking of where I'd want to go with my life, and all I can think is that I want to TRAVEL. My best friend is the same age I am, but has been with her company for ten years. She is single, she owns her own car, and now her own condo, and she's been halfway around the world and back again. Currently, the biatch is in Poland, after being in Scotland. (And I say biatch with all the love in the world - we've been BFF's since we were five). I should have followed her lead in high school - not worry so much about being popular and instead go to class. SIGH. Ah well, hind sight is always 20/20 ain't it?

I think I might have gone overboard on my sleeping pills last night - I don't think I needed the two that I took. One probably would have been sufficient. But I'm not sleeping - especially since I've had to give up weed. My brain never shuts down, and I'm always thinking. Most nights it's 2am and I'm still staring at the clock. So I took two pills cuz I didn't sleep the night before. Now I'm completely groggy and it's taking forever to write this entry.

I should probably lie down.

Until later kiddies. MWAH - giant smooches and snogs. Love you all.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Fishnets and corsets and muscles....OH MY

WARNING: Contains adult content. Paul, I have to apologize now honey.

This is a clip of The Rocky Horror Show from CanStage's production last year. The guy playing the lead is a wonderful actor named Adam Brazier. Adam and I worked together - so to speak - when he was appearing as Skye in Mamma Mia at the Royal Alex many moons ago (seems like a lifetime). I know that Tim Curry is the original Frank and that NO ONE can do it better than him, but this guy is sexay HOT in his fishnets and corset. This is Tim's signature song - Sweet Transvestite. It's the second best version I've ever heard - Tim's being the first (and Paul, honey, that's why I had to apologize. LOL).

Ladies, get out the drool bib....


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

AARRRGGGHHH - again....

Don't know if everyone else is going through this or not, but Hotmail is having serious problems y'all, so I can't get to your messages.

*grumble grumble*

That sucks when you're at home and you're secondary form of entertainment is your email.

On a more interesting note, I had THE MOST wonderful and bizarre dream about myself and Monsieur Hicks last night (sorry Dana baby - you weren't there). I shall attempt to reconstruct and recount if possible.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Monday, May 05, 2008

You never expect it to happen to you

Well, all the warning signs were there. My weight was up, my cholesterol levels were ridiculously high, and my activity was non-existant.

So it should have come as no surprise when on Monday morning, my left jaw and left chest were in a lot of pain. I thought it would just go away and proceeded to get ready for work, as I always do. My cousin knocked on the door, and off we went. All the while, the pain hadn't abated, and it certainly hadn't left. I mumbled to her something along the lines of getting the paramedics to check me out when I made it into work that night for the hockey game. But when I got to work, I realized that something was very, VERY wrong and I had my boss call the ambulance.

Sure enough, I was having a minor heart attack. It was so serious that I didn't even feel any embarassment when they lifted my shirt and exposed my disgusting flabby midriff. All I could do was cry and beg and plead with them to save my life. During the ambulance ride, my oxygen came out twice and it caused me to panic. When I was wheeled in to emergency, I was put immediately to the head of the line. My father was the first to arrive, being the only one I was able to contact. I could have had my boss call Rod, but there was no one to take his class, and there would have been no way for him to show up immediately. So when dad showed up, I handed him my cell phone and asked him to call Rod at work, and one of my best friends Terry, who was scheduled to pick me up at work to take me to the hockey game. Soon, I was wheeled into a room, where my clothing and jewelery was removed and I answered the same questions over and over again.

After seeing two doctors, I was taken into surgery where I had a procedure called an angioplasty done. They made an incision in my right groin and inserted a tube up to my heart. They injected a dye to see where the blockage was, and then when it was found, a balloon was inserted into my artery and inflated to press the blockage against the artery walls. Then two mesh metal tubes were inserted into my artery to ensure the blockage wouldn't retract. Unfortunately, the incision made in my groin didn't close up properly and resulted in a hemotoma - I think it means the blood just kept circulating. Anyway, it resulted in a disgusting, swollen bruise which is incredibly painful.

By the time I was wheeled into my room in CCU, I was on morphine, nitroglycerin, and gravol. I was doped up and just SO thankful to be alive.

I've had well wishes from friends, and enemies that have said that while we weren't getting along, this was not something they ever would have wished on me (thank goodness huh?). I've had beautiful bouquets of flowers, wonderful wishes sent and friends sending all the love possible. My family is a fabulous support system, and they're all doing their best to make sure I stay on the straight and narrow.

But I still feel empty. And I don't know why.

But I was also terrified. No longer. I'm determined. I'm focused.

I'm not only going to get thinner, I'm going to be healthier. I will be stronger. I will be the best I can possibly be.

I'm only worried about one thing. What happens when the "newness" wears off? What happens when I get frustrated because I go back to WANTING to eat crap? Right now none of that appeals to me, but right now I still have the massive brusie on my leg to remind me of exactly what happened. What happens two or three months from now, when lethargy kicks in again and I don't want to cook, or exercise? What happens then?

I know everyone says that they'll kick my ass if they see me with crap in my hands, but I can still drive myself - or at least I'll be able to in a month. What happens if my will power collapses? What happens then?

I know - one day at a time. It's all I can ask for - it's all I can do.

And while I never expected it to happen to me, it did. So, if you are in the danger zone, PLEASE stop all detrimental actions immediately and head for the nearest vegetable stand. While it's ok to indulge once in awhile....make healthy your new habit. Please.

I couldn't stand for any of you to go through this.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.


With love and pride