Blog Blast for Peace

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

HELP! I need somebody...

Ok, but not in the way you guys think.

More time for explanations later when I'm not under the watchful eye of the boss. But if ANYONE out there can get me a copy of the piano music for Lee Aaron's "What'cha Do To My Body?" and can get it to me before Wednesday 4pm EST, I'll love you forever!



Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

BlogBlast for Peace...Join the Cause

It's almost time kids. Of course I don't have to tell most of you that.

But, in case you've been under a rock for the last two years, or you're new to the blogosphere, this is what Blog Blast for Peace is all about:



BlogBlast For Peace Meme ~ Join The Revolution

Here are the rules and the story.

Copy this into a post and tag as many people as you'd like.

The Peace Globe project began in the fall of 2006 with a simple post from one blog. The post ignited a flame in the bloggosphere. The flame became a passion. The passion became a movement. It amazingly traveled from blog to blog to blog across the globe. Bloggers wrote passionate articles on what peace means to them, along with the promise of three Latin words scribbled on a globe - Dona Nobis Pacem (Grant Us Peace) - branded with the integrity of their names or blog names. It was positively inspiring to watch. And it began to happen all over the world - from Singapore to China to Afghanistan to Brooklyn.

It was simple. And powerful.

We will speak with one voice. One subject. One day.

Won't you join us?

On 5 November 2009, DISPLAY YOUR GLOBE IN A POST. Title your post "Dona Nobis Pacem". This is important. The goal is for all blog post titles to say the same thing on the same day. Write about peace that day or simply fly your globe.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE TAGGED TO PLAY.

Please consider passing this meme through the bloggosphere.

This is Mimi Pencil Skirt reporting from the lovely land of the Peace Globes.

Memeing the Movement.

End quote from Mimi Writes...

So there you have it kids. I've been participating since the inception (I don't think I've missed one) and to go through the blogosphere and see the globes, from one end of this world to the other, is so heart warming, and gives a real sense of hope for the future of this planet. And for the future of mankind.

For a post that truly does this cause justice, pop on over to the Couch and have a seat. Vinny never fails to find the right words to truly bring it all together.


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

cold....

The distance between us is overwhelming.
I used to be able to see
your heart from anywhere I was.

Now the wall around it is so high
I can barely see the top.

I used to be able to feel your love
just by coming home.
Now it's just a house.
Cold.
Angry.
Empty.

Nothing.

As long as your anger smoulders
I'll never feel warmth.

As long as your hatred builds
I'll never feel love.

As long as you cannot forgive
I'll always be alone.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Drifting.....

I see your eyes drifting, drifting
I'm really not that naive
You wear a smile but it's drifting, drifting
While I wear my heart on my sleeve
I feel your coldness against my skin
I know what follows the autumn wind
And though you say your heart isn't drifting, drifting
The words simply don't ring true
You're drifting and I'm losing you







Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Johnny Castle is immortal

The blogo-sphere is probably filled with pictures and tributes to the man who made dancing cool for guys to do.

Patrick Swayze made Dirty Dancing what it was. There was a great supporting cast, but he just shone right through as the star.

I loved him from the very first moment I saw him in The Outsiders. Playing Darry, the big brother, doing his best to keep his family together.

I have nothing deep to say today about his passing, nothing that I can type out at this time. I knew once I heard that he had pancreatic cancer that his death sentence had been proclaimed. My aunt - God rest her - passed away from it within a year of being diagnosed. I can only imagine how much pain he was in towards the end.

My heart is in sorrow. His performances meant more to me than I will ever be able to say. Each one struck a chord in me.

Johnny Castle, Darry Curtis, Dalton, Sam Wheat, Derrek Sutton, Vida....all those roles will live on in my heart, as will Patrick.

It's amazing, Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.

I hope so. Rest in Peace Patrick.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

emotions suck ass...

I'd like to have them removed please.

Anyone who's been reading my FB status updates lately can tell I've been somewhat of an emotional wreck.

Well, it's cuz of major problems at home. He'll shoot me for saying this on my blog, but I've got to get this out there. Just typing an entry and letting it sit there does nothing for me. I'm not doing this expecting sympathy, or pity. Since I had no qualms about putting my life out there before, and it hurt my husband terribly, I need to confess to my sins so to speak.

Five years ago, when I started working for NWP, and doing security, I started hanging out with people that were either younger than me, or single. And even for those in commited relationships, our schedules were so opposite to everyone else's that we began going out exclusively within our community, and without our S.O.'s.

In that time, I did many unforgiveable things. I made plans to go out, sometimes right in front of my husband, knowing that he would be sitting at home doing nothing. I never took his feelings into consideration at these times, and in fact, often made hurtful remarks such as "It's not my fault you have no friends." I never made any plans for US, just for me.

And then I started this blog, and said many hurtful things in this too. Things that were either true, but didn't need to be said, or were completely untrue. But I needed to feel justified in my social life. I needed to justify leaving him to sit and do nothing, because inside I knew it was wrong. But I wasn't very popular in high school, and suddenly everyone was inviting me everywhere.

He tried to tell me that he was uncomfortable with me going certain places with certain people. I ignored it. I had reasons that seemed valid. After all, I'd waited my whole life to be an adult and no one was going to tell me who I could hang out with, and where I could go. So I threw his concern out the window. After all, they were MY friends. I trusted them. They wanted me around. I wasn't an old married woman with them. I was a party girl. I was young. I was fun. While my other friends were talking kids, mortgages, work....these friends were talking partying, booze, music, concerts, travel. They weren't questioning when I was having kids, or making fun of us for still renting from my parents. To them, as long as I was happy, it didn't matter what my life was like.

It was intoxicating. It was exciting. And it was entirely selfish.

In truth, I don't think anything I said about him negatively was entirely honest. I made him out in my mind to be the bad guy, when all he wanted was his wife and life. I was being incredibly immature, trying to live out my high school popularity fantasy. I refused to accept that I was over 30, and while it's acceptable to have fun and party once in awhile, your whole life can't be one, not if you want an actual life and family.

We've been in a rut for awhile, and lately, he's been fighting to get himself out of it. As I might have mentioned, we're thinking of separating, and I know it's probably what we need. But I'm freaking out about it.

I went up to my aunt's cottage for three days with the women in my family last week. For three nights, I didn't hear him snoring, didn't hear the occassional mumbles when he has conversations in his sleep, didn't hear him shuffle past to the bathroom. And I totally missed it. For three days I felt a little lost without those noises. I can't imagine what it would be like permanently.

Now he's making plans with people without me. And a lot of them are with a woman he has a past with. I'm VERY uncomfortable with their friendship. I often feel they're renewing their previous relationship behind my back. And now the tables are turned. I'm the one wanting to be with him all the time. I've been told that all of these feelings aren't real - it's just the old "want what you can't have". But I've felt THOSE feelings before. These aren't them.

He says he went through this hell for five years, and I haven't even been dealing with it for a year yet. When he makes plans, I feel slighted, and outraged, and so very VERY angry. If that's even a QUARTER of what I put him through, I am a total bitch.

I know I should be sucking it up and dealing with it, and I really am trying. But I've always been emotionally fragile and personally insecure. So I feel that he's not trying to just improve his social life, but he's trying to get away from me. Not that I can blame him.

I know it's no excuse, but when all this started, I was younger, and my priorities were fucked up. I don't expect him to forget anything I've done (in fact fat chance of that), but I was hoping for a little forgiveness. Some people take longer to grow up than others. I'm not ready to TOTALLY be mature, but I'm on the path. I know I'm also not supposed to be stressed out this bad because it's not right for my health or my heart. But I can't put that on him either. Because I bring the stress on myself, and the fact that I don't have a firm handle on my emotions is killing whatever thoughts he might have about us staying together.

I have made him feel unworthy, unloved, and undesireable. I have withheld parts of myself when all he wanted to do was have all of me, because that's why you get married. I kept secrets, and I've lied. I do not deserve to have him still love me, and yet, love me he does. But somewhere along the line, my actions caused him to lose himself. And I lost part of me. Yes, I'm not totally to blame (and I won't play the blame game because in the end it's not how we got here, but the fact that we ARE here), but I sat back and allowed things to get this way, without fighting. Without trying to stand up for my marriage. Without trying to better our lives. I just wanted to better MY life. And now, he's tired of being the one always sitting around doing nothing. He's fighting to better HIS life. And somehow, I have to find the strength to let him, even if it means it takes him away from me.

Vinny - you said today you stop by every day waiting for me to post something. This is what my life has been - dealing with all this. I didn't want to dump it on even more people, considering in my "outside" life, I've dragged more people into this mess than needed to be. I wanted so many people to tell me that I was right to be feeling this outrage, this anger. But I have no right to those emotions. While he hasn't done EVERYTHING right in this marriage, no one ever does. But he's never trashed me to other people, even when I've completely deserved it. I've invaded his privacy, NUMEROUS times, which I used to freak out about when he did it to me.

I can't go back and undo everything I've done. Most of which was not just selfish but totally insensitive. I'd like to hope I'm a better person now, but I don't know that I am. I can't ask him to take any of my feelings into consideration when I never considered his.

In the last five years, I have done some incredibly unspeakable things to our relationship and to this man, whom I truly do love more than life, and finally, more than myself.

Which is why I think I'm going to have to let him go. Without an emotional scene, without trying to make him feel guilty for doing what he needs to, and without blame. I have to accept that actions have consequences. It's time for me to pay for mine.


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.