Thursday, March 03, 2011

To Daddy (my eulogy)

Just let me go look that up....

If you’ve ever had a conversation with my father, chances are that phrase has come up at least once or twice.

Roger Dominic Tersigni had a thirst – for wine, for knowledge, for life. And you could see that in him, whether it was a casual ten minute conversation or an in-depth one that required visual aids and a fifteen minute search on the internet for exactly what he was talking about.

This has come as quite a shock to all of us. And when choosing to write this eulogy, I had several options of ways to go. In reality, there was only one – the way my father lived – straight and to the point.

My father was many things to many people, as evidenced in this room – he was a friend, a father, a brother, a grandfather, a husband, a beacon...the list could go on and on. But above all this, my father was the epitome of love and respect. He respected everyone he met, and it was quite the gift to have.

He believed in everyone’s potential – whether it seemed like an impossible dream, or something within reach, he truly believed that hard work would pay off, and you could make your dreams into reality.

A lot of people viewed my father as a lucky man – which in many aspects he was. But he worked hard to create his own luck. And even when it didn’t work out in his favour, he learned from his experiences , as we all should, and did his best to never make the same mistakes twice.

The luckiest day of his life was when he met his soul-mate – the other half of himself – my mother Carol. Together, they raised the bar for relationships, showing everyone how it is done, and done right. They made it look easy, even though those closest to them know that they worked hard to keep it running right. At times, separated by long distances, it seemed like it was impossible, but nothing was going to keep them from being together.

They have the relationship we all grow to envy – it is the marker we all strive to achieve. Every day, they couldn’t wait to be together, to share in the minor successes or failures of the day, and to laugh the stress away.

My brother and I were so lucky – we truly had a dad. One who was up at six a.m. to take him to hockey practise, one who watched every one of my soccer games, and one who went to see me in a show, and stayed for the whole thing, even though I only had two lines in the first act. And regardless of how good or bad we were, he was always proud of us.

He was blessed with two of the most adorable grandchildren that the world has ever seen, and he used every opportunity to spend time with them. Even though he gave up a lot of “play time” with them so that my mom, or myself, could take his spot, he was content to sit back and just watch with love and pride in his eyes. He looked at them as if he couldn’t believe that he got so lucky as to have those bundles joy in his family.

Over the years, my dad turned out to be one of my best friends; I looked forward to spending time with him, talking about any number of topics that caught our interest, or just sharing a meal in silence.

I have a million stories about my dad – like how one of his favourite things about Christmas was the family trip to the fish shop, or how you could always tell when he’d had too much to drink because you could find him on his stomach, searching through his vinyl collection – where he’d find the song he was looking for, wink at you and say “Wanna see me make Carol cry?”. Or how he always insisted that within twenty minutes of him getting home at night, I had to give him a kiss hello.

My dad revelled in summer. He introduced us all to the lifestyle known as Jimmy Buffett. Whether we admit it or not, and most of us will, it is thanks to his influence that we all know that the REAL national anthem is Margaritaville, and even if it’s only noon here in Toronto, it’s five o’clock somewhere. Our house in the summer was filled with Jimmy tunes, tequila and backyard bar-b-ques. And I think we’re all better off for it because we know what it’s like to truly celebrate life in the summer sun.

I could go on for hours, and trust me, you’d be entertained. Because these are stories you’re all familiar with; they’re places you’ve been with him. You know all about his solution for Y2K – look for him in the wine cellar with a chair, a corkscrew, and his wine collection. You all have seen him shake it on the dance floor when Old Time Rock and Roll gets played on the radio. And when he talked about his trips to Italy or San Fran, you were there with him, because he made sure he never left out a single detail. His enthusiasm was contagious, and he inspired us to take chances, and to make the most of our lives.

My dad lived every day to its fullest, and never went one day without letting us know that he loved us. And he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was loved too. This world was a better place with him in it, and with him gone, there are a few more shadows. But, his spirit is always with us, and his inspiration will never fade.

I’d like to leave you with these two quotes – both from our friend Jimmy.

“If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from all this living,
It’s I wouldn’t change a thing if I let go.”

“some of it’s magic, some of it’s tragic,
But I had a good life, all the way.”

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Dona Nobis Pacem - Peace Globes - the 2010 edition

Yes I used the same quote last year - but I don't care.  It's one of my favourites.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Blog Blast for Peace

On November 4th, fly your globe proudly.  Join the Blog Blast for Peace movement.

To read about how it got started, go visit Mimi over at Bloggingham Palace .

To get your own peace globe for your blog, facebook or twitter, click here .

Join us in our quest.  It can't hurt, and can only help.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Forgive the sadness...

Beautiful website - this one says it all for me today.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Monday, October 04, 2010

One Day at A Time...

No more tomorrow.  There is only today, and the choices I make.

Today, I choose to make myself a better person.

Today, I choose to be productive; I choose to work on changing the things I can, instead of worrying about the things I can't.

Today, I choose to give my love freely and without strings.  And if that love is not returned, it will still live on.  Because my love is unconditional, and not based on what I will receive in return.

Today, I choose to eat and drink what is good for me, and I choose to monitor my smoking.

Today, I choose to ignore the negative and focus only on the positive.

Today, I choose to be happy.  I choose not to cry or be stressed in any way.

Today, I choose truth, even if it'll never be believed.

Today, I choose me.

I know it won't be easy, but it will be worthwhile.  I choose to fight for my life and my happiness.  And if others make their choice to be a part of it, I will be grateful and never take them for granted again.

Today, I choose to live, not just exist.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Hello again!

WOW.  I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated on here.  I guess mainly because it's going to be the same shit I've been whining about for years.

I wish the heart attack would have woken me up more, and in certain ways it did.  But I guess not in the ways that count.  My diet is horrible and it frustrates me because I know how to take care of it.  I just don't know why I'm so apathetic.

Let's see - is there anything good going on?  Just school.  I go back for my second class in two weeks.  I'm really excited although it's going to be harder than the first one.  But I know I can do it.

I've got a lot of other stresses happening in my life.  I won't comment on my marriage, because it never fails that something that I post here turns out to bite me in the ass.

Shit - I thought I had a lot to say but everything I try to write I wind up erasing it.  Nothing seems to be coming out right and I'm feeling physically like shit right now.  All I want to do is cry.

I know y'all want to offer comfort and advice - in fact that seems to be all you do because my life is just that pathetic.  But I'm going to leave this up - just because I guess.  Maybe a reminder to myself that I'm still alive somewhere inside.  But I'm turning off comments.

I'm just grateful for any of y'all's company.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Be careful what you wish for....

I'm overwhelmed.  Seriously.

I feel like I'm drowning.  I can barely breathe.  Each breath feels like my last.  I'm gasping and struggling, and I feel like I'm going down for the third time. 

And there's no one to rescue me.

I have to pull myself out of this somehow.  And as much as I'd love to be able to follow all of your wonderful advice, it's not sticking.

I know I said that Rod & I needed time apart.  And I'm beginning to wonder why I ever wanted that to begin with.

See, I started another blog (yes, another one. When it's ready, I might make it public).  And this one is the story of my marriage - unedited and unadulterated.  Just the facts m'am.  After all, he deserves the truth to be told, after all the coloured views of him I've posted on here.

I won't remember everything - it's a given.  But the major mistakes, the ones that stick out in my mind, and the ones that he constantly reminds me of, those will be in there.

I've never been the innocent one.  Y'all know me.  But he never deserved the treatment I gave him.

And now, this blog is forcing me to remember things that I'd forgotten, things I'd taken for granted.  And to tell you the truth - it's killing me.  Yeah, he's made mistakes.  But he always tried to make up for them.  All I ever did was screw up, and expect it to be forgiven.  He's said that again and again.  And he's right.  Because I am who I am - a spoiled princess.

I've only gotten one entry out - the night we met.  And that hit me like a ton of bricks - remembering seeing him for the first time, hearing his voice in person, the way his lips felt with that first kiss goodnight.  Just with the memories, I'm falling all over again.

I suck.

I'm trying for a second entry, but now memories are just flooding me so hard, like I said, I'm drowning in them.  Amazingly enough, right now, there's more good then bad.  And that's because the bad are mostly my fault.

I know it's up to me to fix this, but I don't know where to even begin.

I want him to fall in love with me again.  But more importantly, I want to be a woman who deserves his love again.  Apparently at one point I was.  I want to be again. 

But be careful what you wish for.  I wished for time to myself, and it looks like I'm going to get it - and soon.  He says he's going to be gone first week in July.  That gives me two weeks to enjoy time with him, assuming he spends any time at home.

Now I'm wondering why I thought I wanted it in the first place.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.


With love and pride