Wednesday, September 27, 2006

When the weather gets bad, who's your shelter?

Ok, this might be a weird question, especially if you have spouses or significant others, but when your life gets really REALLY bad, who do you turn to? When it looks like you have no hope for your life, or your dreams, who helps you hold it together? Who encourages you and tells you that it's not as bad as you think it is?

I have a friend, a former flame, who has always been my soul mate. We knew, after three weeks of dating back in grade ten, that we just weren't suited to be a couple (at least back then). But he's the other part of me, the person I go to when things are really bad. We have such a connection, it's scary.

Back when I was first living with the hubby, when we were still just dating, I went to the mall one day to pick up my contact lenses. I usually don't go to the mall unless my hair is done, and I'm at least wearing lipstick and mascara. Totally didn't bother on that day, and hadn't spoken to Geoff (the best friend) in almost a year. Walking through the mall, totally oblivious to my surroundings, and upset about a whole shitload of stuff in my life that was going wrong, I didn't hear my name being called.

A hand on my shoulder turned me around to see Geoff standing there in front of me. After huge hugs and kisses were exchanged, I asked him why he was in town. His mom lived down the street from my apartment, which was, in turn, only a fifteen minute walk from the mall. He said that he was in town for a break from University. I asked him to come over for coffee, and had he finished what he came to the mall for? He said yep, he found me.

I was a little confused, to say the least. He said that he'd had a feeling for the last week or so that I needed him. BUT, not having my phone number, he decided to come home instead. And he just KNEW where I was. Now that he had found me, he didn't have that feeling anymore.

I was freaked out, but totally understood at the same time. That connection had been there since grade ten. He's also one of the loves of my life that I'll never get over. But he understands me when no one else does. He knows almost everything about me, and while he might not agree with everything I do, he supports my decisions. He lives twenty five minutes away from me, and yet I haven't seen him in over a year. And I miss him.

I also have other friends that I turn to when things get rough. Unfortunately, hubby either doesn't know them or doesn't like them. For my friends that he knows and likes, he doesn't want them knowing our private business, so where does that leave me to turn? To other people. A lot of the time, I know I can turn to my SP family, and there are my great friends at work.

But when I need a hug, when I really need to break down, there are few people I can find (they're all so busy) who are available to perform those tasks. And hubby has lost all patience for my breakdowns (I cry really easily, despite the fact that I HATE TO CRY!!). At that point, I hug myself, or my Mickey Mouse pillow, or if she's around, the cat.

The reason this is today's topic is because I recently chatted with a friend, whom I adore more than he knows, who is going through a rough time, but I don't know if he's talking to anyone about it. I've offered, and he's told me that it's appreciated, but I can't help but feel that he doesn't have anyone to turn to - at least no one at home. I know you can't MAKE someone talk to you, but I wish he would, if only for the reason that he NEEDS to get shit off his chest. Makes me wonder if he really knows that I can be his shelter if he'd let me.


I'm just dying to get an iPod, and have been downloading songs all day yesterday and today on Limewire. It's amazing how many songs you don't know that you know. I've done google searches for songs from 1965, 1988, etc. I have almost three hundred songs in my folder that I KNOW, and about five hundred more that I know I can find.

What really cheeses me off is that you can't find the hard ones, the obscure ones. The ones you can barely find the CD's for (or vinyl). I LOVE AND ADORE a musician out of the Jersey shores named Glen Burtnick. He played with Styx for years as their bassist (and songwriter). He's totally amazing, but to find his stuff is so difficult!!!! And to buy it on eBay, well, we all know how high those damn prices go. Think I can find his stuff on Limewire? NOOOOO, of course not.

Very frustrating. Check out some of his lyrics - this is my favourite of his. It's off his newest album Welcome to Hollywood.


Just like a jaguar sun
You pull me down
Like panther wind
You twist me around

You run me hard and fast
I can't keep time
The guns in your eyes
stay leveled at mine

In another life
Would we dance again?
Would we be here now as we'll be then?
This electric fire
would you recognize
Would I see your eyes in someone?

When you look iinto the sky
to see divine apparitions in the night
Before they fade, I catch the light
In another lifetime

I'm drifting off the shore
You pull me in
The rope is long
but it's wearing thin

In another life
would you speak my name
would there be a prayer
we'd meet again
In a world of glass
we could hide behind
would I find you there in someone

I wanna dive
into the sky
I wanna fall till my body starts to fly
Somewhere beyond the word goodbye
In another lifetime

Would you cry
would you try
if I died in the middle of the night
would you be on the other side
Would you be there?

In another life
would we dance again
would it be as now
as it was then?
Does the wheel go round
does it ever end
Could it sotp forever?

Would we be lovers....
in another....

Oh, in another life...time....

Hey, I just realized that these lyrics could pertain to the first part of my post! Hey go figure....

Stay sane inside insanity....and never forget your towel.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Exhausting weekend....but I'm back!

Ok, I know I've missed quite a few days, but I had a temp job that lasted Thursday & Friday, and then this weekend was hectic as anything.

Did you ever have such a good time without your significant other that you just didn't want to leave? That was my problem on Friday night. It was my friend Kenny's bday. Now, for the record I should say that my s.o. HATES the people I work with. For no other reasons than I have fun with them, AND they're all younger than me (most by about eight years or so, but to me age is really just a number). So I always go out with them, without him. BUT, I only go out with them once or twice every two or three months, just so I don't rock the boat. AND he always gives me such a hard time the day of the event. We always fight and nine out of ten times he can guilt me into staying home. This time, no way. Ken's been planning his bday for months now, and I told him I would go.

So, since the stoopid club now has live bands on Fridays from 8-10:30 (and it's all ages), we did what we usually do, hung out on the roof at Ken's, drank, and got incredibly stoopid in a way that you can only get with people you are REALLY comfortable with. Then, around 11:00 we head to the bar (thank god it's only a three block stumble). There, we proceed to get even more wasted, dance our faces off, and I finally make it home sometime around 3am, loaded and looking to pass out. Of course, the room started spinning as soon as I lay down, but I managed to fall asleep anyway.

Come the next morning at 10:00, and I'm still drunk. Hubby's gone for a haircut, and is basically pissed as all hell at me. Now, I only have four hours to get ready for the wedding that we're due at by 3pm, and he doesn't think I can handle it. Well, I stumble around, and manage to not only get myself dressed to the nines, and find my heels, but I managed to pack our overnight bag for the stay at the hotel. Makeup, hair, dress, heels, evening bag and camera. Everything was perfect, which shot his theory to hell that I can't function while drunk. :D

The wedding was beautiful. The bride & groom (who I was instrumental in setting up), were gorgeous, and the food was amazing. It was calling for rain as well, but Mother Nature was nice enough to hold off until later in the evening, when the outdoor ceremony was over and done with. I kept trying to get loaded, but I think my binge from the night before cancelled it out, because no matter how many rum & diet's I had, I just couldn't get drunk. Which was probably for the best seeing as how two old friends of mine were there, and at one point or another I have had crushes on both. There's the possibility that even with hubby there I might have done something incredibly dumb, like tell them both that I used to have crushes on them. Yes, I do dumb things like that when drunk (frankly, it's because if you do it when you're sober, they tend to take you a lot more seriously LOL). Yes, it IS the drama queen in me. :D

And then yesterday we celebrated my gorgeous nephews 2nd birthday - AGAIN. Last weekend we did it at my brother's place, but they didn't have enough room for the whole family. So my mom had everyone on our side over to the house. Rain and all. Now, I'm just exhausted and I have to work today. EEK - I start at two. It's the Gigantour with Megadeath headlining, and I'm not in the mood to work outside OR to deal with the punk asses that will be there. I predict ejection numbers past anything we've had already this season (we had fourty two ejections at Tom Petty), and I predict the paddy wagon will be making an appearance or two.

Ok, so it's not deep, or filled with fun facts like Bond's blog, and there's not a llama to be found anywhere here, but gimmie a break today ok gang? LOL. What I will leave you with is a poem I wrote awhile ago. I love it, and I hope you do too.

Music flowing through my veins
When will it stop torturing me?
This sounds incredibly lame
But I want to be Kate Hudson
I want to be a Band Aid
I want to follow my men
To the ends of the earth
I want to sing with their voices
And love with their hearts
And be with the ones
Who make me feel alive
And magical

I want to fly around the world
And have not one care
I want to write beautiful music
And know what I’ve written
I want to understand the melodies
That come from my heart
I want to know where inspiration
Is born

I want to live on the pages
Of magazines and books
I want to sing on the stages
And dress not my age
And know that they don’t love me
But they want me
And they need me to smile
And tell them that their songs are good
Then we’ll fuck like rabbits
And smoke joints in the plane
And do lines of reality
And know that nothing can touch us
We’re invincible, we’re super human
We’re the lucky ones that life doesn’t happen to
We happen to life

I want to know that money is no object
But I am
I want to know that marriage is sacred
But bodies are not
I want to be lost on a cloud of illusions
Never to come down to earth again

When the time comes
To say goodbye to Fantasia
And to go back to reality
Can I go to Morocco too?

©Angell 2003

Stay sane inside insanity - and never forget your towel.

Angell - out!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Trav's response

Ok, so yesterday I asked a question with regards to an attached female being friends with single males. Our wonderful Trav was good enough to respond - but for some reason, can't post a comment on here, so I'll do it for him.

Hey darlin',

I'm not able to post a comment on your blog, but I wanted to respond to your question since your were kind enough to mention me.

I've always had a
network of female friends. They help me when I fuck up. It doesn't happen a lot, but usually when it does I go for the big time fuck ups. I'm a hellacious flirt and that gets me misunderstood a lot, but I have tremendous respect for women. I would never play the friends game just to get something from a woman - it's not right or fair to anyone. I'll be perfectly clear with any woman I want to be with and give her ample opportunity to dance or walk.

Of course, there's "the look" I sometimes get from the gal posse when I've fucked up - you know the one I'm talking about. The look that says, "Oh Travis, c'mere and let us tell you what just went wrong".

(Lucky for me I'm not getting that look much anymore, since I have found the perfect woman for me - even the posse knows it.)

If you're comfortable with someone, if they let you be yourself, if they don't judge you out of hand, if they are honest with you - well, that's a great friend and it shouldn't matter whether that person is male or female.

That's my 2 cents. Great blog.


Thanks Trav my dear. And the lady is lucky to have you. :D

Hugs for now

Angell - out!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Here I am too - felt left out

Well, here I am gang!!

Looks like we're all gonna be bloggers now huh? S'ok, Bond's was getting boring anyway - JUST KIDDING!

What to say? Well, I love to write, as some of you might know. But lately it seems that my muse has left me (and Dana won't lend me Bessie). So whilst in search of a new muse, I will just ramble about anything and everything that comes to mind. Heck, I might even transfer some of the stuff from my other blog over to here, just so y'all have something to read.

But I'd like to talk about something today that's been bothering me a little bit. It's about society in general.

I don't know how many of our US neighbours are paying attention to what's going on up here in the Great White North, but last week we had a shooting at a Montreal College - Dawson College to be more specific. It was a sad event, of course. Minimal death, but even one is too many (I'm not counting the shooter, the bastard deserved what he got).

My problem with the aftermath is that just because this sicko posted on a well known gothic blog site (, all of the sudden my husband decided that anyone who posts on there is an idiot, and determined to harm others. Now, I have several friends who post on that site, as do I, and trust me, none of us are out to cause anyone any harm.

This guy posted pics of himself with a gun, with a knife, and posted some truly weird shit. BUT, because no one called anyone to inform them (police, or the webmaster), VF is getting a bad rap. All I can say is that there are over 60,000 people posting on that website. What are the odds that enough people paid attention to HIS that it would cause concern? Not very likely in my opinion. I don't go on there searching for new people to make friends with. In fact I've been asked to join several groups on there, and I've chosen not to. I keep to the people I know, and all others I ignore. My point of being on there is to express myself (privately) without others knowing, and only those I truly have contact with, know that it's me.

Do you feel that it's the community's job to police itself? Should those of us who aren't even on there for the purpose of meeting people start surfing other profiles to find out if any of them are wacked out? Or is that the webmasters job?

I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone else, but at this point in time, it makes sense to me.

Ok, onto another topic. We've been going on about this on another board I belong to, and I'd welcome your thoughts on this.

Is it ok for a woman who's spoken for (engaged, married or in a relationship period) to have single male friends? Because I frankly think that it's ok. Other people have said that it's not ok, because the men are always after one thing (Trav, Bond, I'm hoping you guys will put that theory to bed - so to speak), and they hope that by being friends with a woman first that they will eventually get it.

I think that's BS. And even if it IS true, that doesn't meant that the guy is going to get some. I happen to have several friends that I have NO interest in doing ANYTHING with. And yet, as a married woman, I get frowned upon if I'm with a male friend and I happen to run into people I know. It's frustrating. And what's even more frustrating is that people don't understand this basic fact: it takes TWO to tango. One willing and one unwilling partner can't even get on the dance floor.

I've related better with guys my whole life, from being a tomboy in grade school, to being "one of the guys" in high school. And even today, I can hang out with men better than I can with women, cuz with women, it's always a competition regardless of the topic. Ok, I should ammend that to say MOST women. We get catty, we get bitchy and yes, we get very competitive. I don't know why, I think it's programmed into our genetic make up. With men, I can relax, be myself, and not worry if my hair isn't right, or my makeup is smudged, or, god forbid, I wore the wrong shoes. I help my male friends check out chicks, and they ask me for advice on their relationships. We laugh, belch, and throw things at each other.

So why, when I'm that comfortable with a person, is it such an issue to society what that persons gender is?

Again, I just don't get it. Anyone care to explain?


With love and pride