Tuesday, August 26, 2008

New Layout

And yes.

I know.

I need help.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I'm in LOOOOOVE....

and once again, I know y'all are saying "What else is new?" and "Who now?"

Well, the WHO isn't just one person, it's a whole cast.

The WHAT, is the beautiful, charming, wonderfully insightful and incredibly produced movie, AND the music that goes with it.

I am in love with The Beatles, and Across the Universe.

On Saturday, I watched this movie for the first time. I had every intention of seeing it on the big screen, but I've found that when it comes to going to the movies, Rod would rather go to see the action flicks rather than a musical (read: chick flick). It's a good thing I didn't drag him to the movies to see it though, because he HATED it. I can't remember the last time he thought that a movie was such a colossal waste of time.

I, on the other hand, fell deeply in love, once again, with the music of the Beatles, and with the visionary behind this - Ms. Julie Taymor.

I came to know of Ms. Taymor through her work on stage - The Lion King being the most fabulous of these pieces. When I heard that she was the one responsible for this masterpiece, I knew I would love it, sight unseen.

The acting is brilliant, with performances by relative unknowns in their field. The vocals are ... well, there are no words. If I had to try and find one, it would be sigh-worthy. The story is different, but familiar, and of course, the music is nothing short of brilliant.

I was ten minutes into the film, when I turned to Rod and said "We can stop watching it if you want to. I'm buying it." But, being the sweetheart that he is, he suffered through the whole thing.

I am listening to the Beatles, singing the Beatles and crying when there's absolutely no need for it during the songs.

GO RENT THIS FILM. Seriously. And you'll fall in love too.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Untitled (as of now...)

I came here to be alone.
I’m not.

I can’t be, for alone is freedom, and that doesn’t exist.

Thoughts of you sing in my head
Rampage through my blood
You taunt my senses with your caress
Tease my soul with memories
imprint yourself in my eyes
so that everywhere I look
I see what we were

I came here to be alone
to be free.
So naïve to think
I ever could be again.

©Angell 2008

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Friday, August 15, 2008

AAAAND I'm back

And I'm all better!

Well, at least both blockages are gone. YAY for cardiologists - especially cute ones!!

Surgery was a bit of a nightmare. Doc wanted to go in through my right wrist rather than my groin because they went in through my right groin the first time (during the heart attack - no mincing around with trying to find wide enough veins at that time!). So they gave me a local - they want you awake through the procedure - so I wouldn't feel the incision, and then fed the catheter up the vein they were attempting to use.

I had been warned ahead of time that at some point I would feel like the "site" was burning, but that it would only last for about thirty seconds or so.

THANK BLOODY GOD, cuz let me tell you, it's excruciating.

And just to show that SOMEONE up there has a sense of humor (I really think it's my friend Ruth), at the exact time that my arm felt like it would explode into flames, Bruce Springsteen comes on the radio playing in the OR, singing "Oooh oh oh, I'm on fire."

Well, I couldn't help but laugh - and I'm sure that must have been a first for Doc, a patient going through an angioplasty LAUGHING on the table - and it totally confused them all. When they asked why I was laughing, I had to explain it to them. They got a good chuckle in as well.

But I wasn't laughing for long as it turns out that the artery simply wasn't wide enough to accomodate the balloon with the catheter, and they had to remove it. Going in through the left groin was the other option...


I had to wait as an emergency came in and Doc was called to operate. So I had an hour to sleep before I was able to go in again. It went by very quickly, and having gone through the whole arm ordeal, I figured I would be prepared for when the dye got injected into my groin. Well, no one mentioned that the whole core of my body would feel like it was on fire!! I thought I wet myself for a second. Holy hell in a handbasket!!

Once the angioplasty was done - and it was painful - they inserted a collagen plug into the incision and applied pressure in order to allow it to spread. THEN, once again, I spent three hours with my leg totally straight. Wasn't allowed to bend it, and as for going to the bathroom - get the bedpan. Which I hate. They aren't pleasant.

Anyway, it's been four days and I feel tired, but knowing that no more blockages exist is a blessing. However, the bad news is that it's completely possible that my condition will keep me off roller coasters the rest of my life, which depresses the hell out of me, cuz anyone who knows me knows I love my roller coasters. But Doc says there's a possibility it might not. So we'll just have to see what the future holds.

So...I'm back. With a sunnier outlook and a better heart. And who could ask for more?

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

So much going on

Hey gang. I know it's been at least a week since my last post. Things have been so overly hectic around here. Life has not been good in some ways.

Last Sunday, Rod's Uncle John passed away from a rare disease that turns out to be a cousin of Mad Cow. He'd been degenerating since February, but we weren't told to the degree, and they didn't know until two weeks ago what it was. His daughter had such a hard time with John's doctor - he was a total prick, telling her that he didn't have time to get John an appointment with the neurologist and throwing the papers at Heather - "You do it." he said. He made her do everything to help her father, while he did absolutely nothing except tell her to do his job for him. I was horrified when I heard that. It was only thanks to her hard work, and her research that they were able to figure out what was going on. He was initially diagnosed with dementia, (he had trouble remembering his pin numbers for his bank accounts and the answering machine, and who was around) and when the medications he was prescribed for that started making him WORSE, the doctor told her to up the dosage.

That was all.

Rod was devestated. When his father died, John was the role model/father figure that Rod had left in his life. My mother in law was a wreck, as John was her older brother, and always her rock. It was a hard, HARD week. And then we found out that John's "girlfriend" managed to appropriate $5000 from his bank account by taking him into the bank, feeding him the line that he forgot his pin number, and then taking his new pin and removing the money from it. There was no money in his account for his funeral because of this selfish bitch, and it had to be borrowed.

Rod and I have been fighting for the last three days on and off. I'm preoccupied with going into the hospital on Monday for my second angioplasty, and he starts a new job on the same day (which is tomorrow - DUH - I'm so spacey). They're going in through my right wrist this time, and it's making me so nervous - I mean, what if they fuck up? My writing is everything to me. I don't know how I'd survive if I couldn't. Verbally expressing myself is not my strong suit, unless I've properly prepared first.

And now I'm nervous - because I'm late.

It's the first time I've said it aloud since I realized it, and I haven't even mentioned it to Rod. Because I don't know how he's going to react. And I know I don't want to be right now - I'm not healthy enough. Forget the finances. Health wise - pregnancy might kill me. And I'm not saintly enough to say that the baby would come first in a dire situation. I'm not ready to die - not by any means. There's still so much to do in life y'know?

Since I've been off the pill, I've had really screwy cycles. So it could be stress induced. It could just be that I've forgotten when my cycle started last month (I thought I remembered, but now I'm not sure).

EDITED TO ADD: False alarm according to the test. WHEW. Now back to regularly scheduled ramblings.

So to say I'm going CRAZY is an understatement. Hopefully my recovery period from the angioplasty won't be too long and I can then GET BACK TO WORK. Cuz so far this is the shittiest summer EVER.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.


With love and pride