Friday, June 19, 2009



I am bored. I don't know why they have me here at work today. The phone has rang MAYBE ten times all day (it's now 3:30 est and I've been here since 8am). Production is closed down in the back. Both the managers are here, so WHY DO THEY NEED ME???? They're all about saving money these days - so for the hour & a half I've got left please send me home!

Onto something that is JUST as frustrating....I probably wouldn't mind being stuck here with no phones ringing if it wasn't for the fact that I .... CAN'T .... WRITE. Not a thing. I can't string one sentence together that has any artistic merit, or even erotic merit.

I have a notebook full of ideas, and about ten more in my head, but when it comes to translating that onto a screen, or the page - NOTHING comes out. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Complete emptiness. All the ideas in the world are useless if you can't follow them up. It's incredibly frustrating for me, because then I sit at home, and berate myself. "I should be writing, I should be creating, I should be getting this stuff down." So I sit in front of the keyboard and......

Yah, I got nuttin. I seriously just want to cry. It's hurting my brain to even type this out. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. And I'm sorry. To all of you, I am so sorry that all my posts seem to be nothing but negativity on top of negativity. I'd write about good things happening in my life if there WERE any. But right now it's just one frustration on top of another.

I know I'm not the only person going through things right now. Dana, love, I'm sorry I haven't been there for you during your time of agony with your back and knee and with your dad. And for all my darling friends in the blogosphere - I try to visit. I really do. I don't know why I don't get there. It's not like I don't have time. Ok, well, maybe I don't have a lot of it, but I do have time.

My brain seems to be shutting down, and turning my insides to mush, and it bothers the hell out of me. Scares me too. I seem to have problems comprehending the tiniest little things these days. And that is definately scary.

SIGH. Rant is over. Thank you for stopping by.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.


Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Give yourself permission to not write. Or to write garbage. Or to write on something fun and silly and goofy that nobody will ever see. (Rock star fantasy, fan fic, whatever.)

Then, go play on something else. Do you play an instrument? Do any crafts? Cook or bake? Scrapbook? Switching to another creative endeavor allows your hindbrain to work on writing stuff while your forebrain is focused on the new task.

Taking walks outside can help, too.

The main thing is, turn off the voice that says "I should be writing." Right now, with everything going on in your life, you don't need that kind of pressure. If it's not fun, don't do it. It's okay to not do it.

Let me repeat that: I am giving you permission to not write until you absolutely feel the joy to do so!


Travis Cody said...

It's probably best to write all this negativity out. Gets it out of your head.

Make it a story.

Unknown said...

Oh, darling - we've all had times like that! Hugs, kisses, gropes, and tender caresses!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

The more you try and write the less you will dear.

Walk away. Do not think about writing for a spell ( a week maybe)...

See what spills out then.

Meribah said...

Boy, do I ever understand where you are coming from when it comes to writing! I love writing and being creative, but here lately something always seems to get in the way. maybe my being a hyperactive puppy with a short attention span has something to do with it. LOL :P


With love and pride