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Monday, January 14, 2008

Fathers...




Ok, it's been tough. Another old friend of mine just lost her dad this morning. And I sat down and really thought about that. So many people I know have lost their fathers in the last year, it's truly devestating to think about.

There was a group of us girls, years ago. Some came and went, but four of us stayed constant. Today, three out of four of us have lost our fathers. I'm the only lucky one.

My father had a heart attack almost twelve years ago. A quadruple bypass was the result. And I was scared. I mean, REALLY scared. He's my dad. I didn't want to contemplate losing him so young. I tried to write out the details of it all - especially his recovery, but I can't seem to find the words to say. To this day, it was the hardest period of my life.

In the last few years, two of the other girls lost their dads - one to cancer. I believe the other was a heart attack.

And I'm sorry, and very ashamed, to say, I wasn't there as well as I could have been for Cat when Douglas passed, and I wasn't there at all for the other.

When Bruce died almost two years ago now, Tami lost herself for awhile. And she had horrendous legal battles to fight with her stepmother. I was too self absorbed to notice. I always put it off - Well, I'll go see her tomorrow. Well, she's busy. And then, it was too late to be much help, so I avoided her altogether, because it seemed easier than dealing with her anger. I'm not much for confrontation when it comes to my friends.

Now, that combined with a whole lot of other things I am too ashamed to admit, the friendship is gone. And it is my fault. I don't ever expect her to forgive me. Because I know how hurt I would be if someone I loved wasn't there for me in my darkest hour. There would be no reasons, no excuses that I would accept.

But I vowed that I would learn, and be a better friend to those I could in their time of need.

Monday, the final girl, Tammy, lost her father to cancer as well. I remember her father - such a nice man with a fabulous sense of humor. We always called him Dad. Harris was a ton of fun when we were younger. I'm sad to say that as we got older, we drifted, as people often do.

I sat here and thought about how lucky I am. I still have my father with me. All four of us were Daddy's Little Girls, and we always will be. But I still have the chance to be with mine.

It might be too late to say I'm sorry. And it's too late to make amends with those I've hurt. But I can post this in memory of three great men, and in tribute to the wonderful women they raised.

A Father Is...

A Father is neither an anchor to hold us back
nor a sail to take us there,
but always a guiding light
whose love shows us the way.
The warm light of your love
shines in my memories and in my heart
reminding me of your guidance
your care, and most of all, your love


*I found that on the net - but there's no credit for it. But I thought it was just perfect*

My dad used to sing this to me every night up utnil I was ten I believe. At that point I thought I was too big to be sung to, but even now, there are days I just need to hear it.



Daddy's Little Girl

You're the end of my rainbow, my pot of gold.
You're Daddy's little girl, to have and hold.
A precious gem is what you are.
You're Mommy's bright and shining star.
You're the spirit of Christmas, my star on the tree.
You're the Easter Bunny to Mommy and me.
You're sugar, you're spice,
You're everything nice,
And you're Daddy's little girl.

I also post in memory of a fourth wonderful man, who raised a terrific son. Lew Cooke was a spry old guy, working in the security business at the age of 72, almost until the very end. Cancer also claimed this gentle soul. His son Ron is a good friend of mine, and he knows his friends are with him.

This was Lew's favourite song.




I DON'T NEED YOUR ROCKING CHAIR
George Jones

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

I ain't ready for the junkyard yet
'Cause I still feel like a new Corvette
It may take a little longer but I'll get there
I don't need no rockin' chair

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

Retirement don't fit my plan
You can take your seat, I'm gonna stand
An Eskimo needs a frigidair
But I don't need no rockin' chair

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

My body's old but it ain't impaired
Yeah I don't need no rockin' chair





For all those that have lost their dad....my heart is with you. And for those of us lucky enough to still have our daddy's with us, cherish every moment.


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

7 comments:

Bond said...

You say that you lost touch with the last friend...did you reach out when you heard about her dad?

Maybe it is time to reach out to the other two also...it is NEVER too late dear friend...

Matt-Man said...

It's been a little over nine years for me and I still miss old Dad. Cheers Angell!!

Meribah said...

"To err is human; to forgive is divine."

Don't give up on your friend just because you think she can't forgive you. Explain to her why you weren't there and allow her to understand. You never know, she just might surprise you. :)

Anndi said...

Did you manage to reconnect with her honey?

This was a beautiful post sweetheart.

angell said...

Bond: Thank you for your thoughts - unfortunately for one of them, it is too late. But I have learned.

Matt-Man: I'm sorry hon -but he's always watching over you (so cover up right now!)

Meri: She won't. And she's in her right not to. But I won't be making those mistakes again.

Anndi: Yes I did reach out to her, and it was great reconnecting with her. I missed our friendship a lot. And thank you honey - coming from the author of many such posts, it's a cherished compliament.

Anndi said...

Happy Valentine's Day sweets!

SMOOCH!

Mimi Lenox said...

What a touching post. Thank you.

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With love and pride