Wednesday, September 27, 2006

When the weather gets bad, who's your shelter?

Ok, this might be a weird question, especially if you have spouses or significant others, but when your life gets really REALLY bad, who do you turn to? When it looks like you have no hope for your life, or your dreams, who helps you hold it together? Who encourages you and tells you that it's not as bad as you think it is?

I have a friend, a former flame, who has always been my soul mate. We knew, after three weeks of dating back in grade ten, that we just weren't suited to be a couple (at least back then). But he's the other part of me, the person I go to when things are really bad. We have such a connection, it's scary.

Back when I was first living with the hubby, when we were still just dating, I went to the mall one day to pick up my contact lenses. I usually don't go to the mall unless my hair is done, and I'm at least wearing lipstick and mascara. Totally didn't bother on that day, and hadn't spoken to Geoff (the best friend) in almost a year. Walking through the mall, totally oblivious to my surroundings, and upset about a whole shitload of stuff in my life that was going wrong, I didn't hear my name being called.

A hand on my shoulder turned me around to see Geoff standing there in front of me. After huge hugs and kisses were exchanged, I asked him why he was in town. His mom lived down the street from my apartment, which was, in turn, only a fifteen minute walk from the mall. He said that he was in town for a break from University. I asked him to come over for coffee, and had he finished what he came to the mall for? He said yep, he found me.

I was a little confused, to say the least. He said that he'd had a feeling for the last week or so that I needed him. BUT, not having my phone number, he decided to come home instead. And he just KNEW where I was. Now that he had found me, he didn't have that feeling anymore.

I was freaked out, but totally understood at the same time. That connection had been there since grade ten. He's also one of the loves of my life that I'll never get over. But he understands me when no one else does. He knows almost everything about me, and while he might not agree with everything I do, he supports my decisions. He lives twenty five minutes away from me, and yet I haven't seen him in over a year. And I miss him.

I also have other friends that I turn to when things get rough. Unfortunately, hubby either doesn't know them or doesn't like them. For my friends that he knows and likes, he doesn't want them knowing our private business, so where does that leave me to turn? To other people. A lot of the time, I know I can turn to my SP family, and there are my great friends at work.

But when I need a hug, when I really need to break down, there are few people I can find (they're all so busy) who are available to perform those tasks. And hubby has lost all patience for my breakdowns (I cry really easily, despite the fact that I HATE TO CRY!!). At that point, I hug myself, or my Mickey Mouse pillow, or if she's around, the cat.

The reason this is today's topic is because I recently chatted with a friend, whom I adore more than he knows, who is going through a rough time, but I don't know if he's talking to anyone about it. I've offered, and he's told me that it's appreciated, but I can't help but feel that he doesn't have anyone to turn to - at least no one at home. I know you can't MAKE someone talk to you, but I wish he would, if only for the reason that he NEEDS to get shit off his chest. Makes me wonder if he really knows that I can be his shelter if he'd let me.


I'm just dying to get an iPod, and have been downloading songs all day yesterday and today on Limewire. It's amazing how many songs you don't know that you know. I've done google searches for songs from 1965, 1988, etc. I have almost three hundred songs in my folder that I KNOW, and about five hundred more that I know I can find.

What really cheeses me off is that you can't find the hard ones, the obscure ones. The ones you can barely find the CD's for (or vinyl). I LOVE AND ADORE a musician out of the Jersey shores named Glen Burtnick. He played with Styx for years as their bassist (and songwriter). He's totally amazing, but to find his stuff is so difficult!!!! And to buy it on eBay, well, we all know how high those damn prices go. Think I can find his stuff on Limewire? NOOOOO, of course not.

Very frustrating. Check out some of his lyrics - this is my favourite of his. It's off his newest album Welcome to Hollywood.


Just like a jaguar sun
You pull me down
Like panther wind
You twist me around

You run me hard and fast
I can't keep time
The guns in your eyes
stay leveled at mine

In another life
Would we dance again?
Would we be here now as we'll be then?
This electric fire
would you recognize
Would I see your eyes in someone?

When you look iinto the sky
to see divine apparitions in the night
Before they fade, I catch the light
In another lifetime

I'm drifting off the shore
You pull me in
The rope is long
but it's wearing thin

In another life
would you speak my name
would there be a prayer
we'd meet again
In a world of glass
we could hide behind
would I find you there in someone

I wanna dive
into the sky
I wanna fall till my body starts to fly
Somewhere beyond the word goodbye
In another lifetime

Would you cry
would you try
if I died in the middle of the night
would you be on the other side
Would you be there?

In another life
would we dance again
would it be as now
as it was then?
Does the wheel go round
does it ever end
Could it sotp forever?

Would we be lovers....
in another....

Oh, in another life...time....

Hey, I just realized that these lyrics could pertain to the first part of my post! Hey go figure....

Stay sane inside insanity....and never forget your towel.


Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

everyone needs friends...
not everyone can find their friends when needed...
but knowing their friends are there is what matters most
sheesh... who the hell said that? i ain't that deep!


Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

Angel baby - I totally agree with Bond and other than my SP friends I only have 3 people that I can turn to when times get rough, Tony, my true soul mate, Ann, my best friends for the past 25 years and my mother.


Coco said...

Oh wow, can I ever relate to this one, Angell! Can I ever! You must be sitting inside my head reading my mind like a week-old newspaper.


With love and pride