So much going on

Hey gang. I know it's been at least a week since my last post. Things have been so overly hectic around here. Life has not been good in some ways.

Last Sunday, Rod's Uncle John passed away from a rare disease that turns out to be a cousin of Mad Cow. He'd been degenerating since February, but we weren't told to the degree, and they didn't know until two weeks ago what it was. His daughter had such a hard time with John's doctor - he was a total prick, telling her that he didn't have time to get John an appointment with the neurologist and throwing the papers at Heather - "You do it." he said. He made her do everything to help her father, while he did absolutely nothing except tell her to do his job for him. I was horrified when I heard that. It was only thanks to her hard work, and her research that they were able to figure out what was going on. He was initially diagnosed with dementia, (he had trouble remembering his pin numbers for his bank accounts and the answering machine, and who was around) and when the medications he was prescribed for that started making him WORSE, the doctor told her to up the dosage.

That was all.

Rod was devestated. When his father died, John was the role model/father figure that Rod had left in his life. My mother in law was a wreck, as John was her older brother, and always her rock. It was a hard, HARD week. And then we found out that John's "girlfriend" managed to appropriate $5000 from his bank account by taking him into the bank, feeding him the line that he forgot his pin number, and then taking his new pin and removing the money from it. There was no money in his account for his funeral because of this selfish bitch, and it had to be borrowed.

Rod and I have been fighting for the last three days on and off. I'm preoccupied with going into the hospital on Monday for my second angioplasty, and he starts a new job on the same day (which is tomorrow - DUH - I'm so spacey). They're going in through my right wrist this time, and it's making me so nervous - I mean, what if they fuck up? My writing is everything to me. I don't know how I'd survive if I couldn't. Verbally expressing myself is not my strong suit, unless I've properly prepared first.

And now I'm nervous - because I'm late.

It's the first time I've said it aloud since I realized it, and I haven't even mentioned it to Rod. Because I don't know how he's going to react. And I know I don't want to be right now - I'm not healthy enough. Forget the finances. Health wise - pregnancy might kill me. And I'm not saintly enough to say that the baby would come first in a dire situation. I'm not ready to die - not by any means. There's still so much to do in life y'know?

Since I've been off the pill, I've had really screwy cycles. So it could be stress induced. It could just be that I've forgotten when my cycle started last month (I thought I remembered, but now I'm not sure).

EDITED TO ADD: False alarm according to the test. WHEW. Now back to regularly scheduled ramblings.

So to say I'm going CRAZY is an understatement. Hopefully my recovery period from the angioplasty won't be too long and I can then GET BACK TO WORK. Cuz so far this is the shittiest summer EVER.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.