Fathers...

Ok, it's been tough. Another old friend of mine just lost her dad this morning. And I sat down and really thought about that. So many people I know have lost their fathers in the last year, it's truly devestating to think about.

There was a group of us girls, years ago. Some came and went, but four of us stayed constant. Today, three out of four of us have lost our fathers. I'm the only lucky one.

My father had a heart attack almost twelve years ago. A quadruple bypass was the result. And I was scared. I mean, REALLY scared. He's my dad. I didn't want to contemplate losing him so young. I tried to write out the details of it all - especially his recovery, but I can't seem to find the words to say. To this day, it was the hardest period of my life.

In the last few years, two of the other girls lost their dads - one to cancer. I believe the other was a heart attack.

And I'm sorry, and very ashamed, to say, I wasn't there as well as I could have been for Cat when Douglas passed, and I wasn't there at all for the other.

When Bruce died almost two years ago now, Tami lost herself for awhile. And she had horrendous legal battles to fight with her stepmother. I was too self absorbed to notice. I always put it off - Well, I'll go see her tomorrow. Well, she's busy. And then, it was too late to be much help, so I avoided her altogether, because it seemed easier than dealing with her anger. I'm not much for confrontation when it comes to my friends.

Now, that combined with a whole lot of other things I am too ashamed to admit, the friendship is gone. And it is my fault. I don't ever expect her to forgive me. Because I know how hurt I would be if someone I loved wasn't there for me in my darkest hour. There would be no reasons, no excuses that I would accept.

But I vowed that I would learn, and be a better friend to those I could in their time of need.

Monday, the final girl, Tammy, lost her father to cancer as well. I remember her father - such a nice man with a fabulous sense of humor. We always called him Dad. Harris was a ton of fun when we were younger. I'm sad to say that as we got older, we drifted, as people often do.

I sat here and thought about how lucky I am. I still have my father with me. All four of us were Daddy's Little Girls, and we always will be. But I still have the chance to be with mine.

It might be too late to say I'm sorry. And it's too late to make amends with those I've hurt. But I can post this in memory of three great men, and in tribute to the wonderful women they raised.

A Father Is...

A Father is neither an anchor to hold us back
nor a sail to take us there,
but always a guiding light
whose love shows us the way.
The warm light of your love
shines in my memories and in my heart
reminding me of your guidance
your care, and most of all, your love

*I found that on the net - but there's no credit for it. But I thought it was just perfect*

My dad used to sing this to me every night up utnil I was ten I believe. At that point I thought I was too big to be sung to, but even now, there are days I just need to hear it.

Daddy's Little Girl

You're the end of my rainbow, my pot of gold.
You're Daddy's little girl, to have and hold.
A precious gem is what you are.
You're Mommy's bright and shining star.
You're the spirit of Christmas, my star on the tree.
You're the Easter Bunny to Mommy and me.
You're sugar, you're spice,
You're everything nice,
And you're Daddy's little girl.

I also post in memory of a fourth wonderful man, who raised a terrific son. Lew Cooke was a spry old guy, working in the security business at the age of 72, almost until the very end. Cancer also claimed this gentle soul. His son Ron is a good friend of mine, and he knows his friends are with him.

This was Lew's favourite song.

I DON'T NEED YOUR ROCKING CHAIR
George Jones

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

I ain't ready for the junkyard yet
'Cause I still feel like a new Corvette
It may take a little longer but I'll get there
I don't need no rockin' chair

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

Retirement don't fit my plan
You can take your seat, I'm gonna stand
An Eskimo needs a frigidair
But I don't need no rockin' chair

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

My body's old but it ain't impaired
Yeah I don't need no rockin' chair

For all those that have lost their dad....my heart is with you. And for those of us lucky enough to still have our daddy's with us, cherish every moment.


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Just Because

I really don't have anything of merit to write about these days. It's been a tough new year so far. A friend of mine lost his father, to whom he was very close. My husband got into an accident with our truck - he's fine, but the truck's not - and my husband got the ticket instead of the guy who hit him. So not only do we have to dish out the deductible, we have to pay the fine too, AND our insurance will go up.

I took a major insult on the chin at a party last night - won't bother explaining what it was because frankly it's too long to go into. But needless to say, someone who I've totally been there for did something that insulted and snubbed me in front of our friends. And I'm pissed as all hell about it today.

AND, I'm totally stagnant when it comes to anything creative these days. I have no desire to write anything, unless I'm at work, and then it's a matter of no time to really think it through. And when I jot the points down, by the time I get around to looking at it, I forget the connectivity, and it doesn't make sense.

In short, life isn't going well.

That's not to say I'm not grateful for everything - I know it could be far worse. I have two jobs, friends that love me, a family I adore, and I'm relatively healthy - more or less. I haven't lost anyone in the last two years that I've been very close to (knock wood) and I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and the opportunity to improve my life every day.

It's a lot more than most people have.

So, while I am grateful, I'd just like to stew in self pity for a while.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Starting 2008 off right

Hey everyone! I'm baaaaaaaaack.

I have had NO time this past Xmas break to even breathe, let alone sit in front of the computer for the amount of time it would take to read all the wonderful blogs of my friends, and to write a year end review. It's just been too freaking busy around this place. And tomorrow, I head back to work (yeah - enthusiasm abounds XP).

But one thing that I was able to do this past break was to see my "nieces" (well, they're my sister in law's nieces, but we're all just one big family and I love them like they're my own).

Ali is going to be eleven, and she's in grade six. On a PA day last month, she went to work with her dad. Her father stopped to greet one of Toronto's many "displaced persons", and he called him by name. They chatted in Italian for a few minutes, and her dad handed the man a coffee. As they were walking away, Ali said "Dad, that blue blanket was ours." Her father responded "That's right honey. I gave it to him a couple of weeks ago."

This spurned Ali into action. She left the downtown core that day in tears, but with a determined resolve to help those less fortunate. With her own money, she started bringing food to the people living on the streets downtown. She would wait for her father to go to bed at night and search the cushions on the couch to see what change she could add to her "budget". Her dad brought her and three friends down one weekend, and they distributed sandwiches and blankets to those that needed. When their neighbours and the parents co-workers heard of this, they began donating money.

With $150, the kids budgeted and bought hats, mitts, scarves, basic essentials and food for the hungry. They made packs, and when a worker at Canadian Linen Services heard about their mission, he went on Facebook and challenged everyone who read his profile to come up with a donation. Then they donated the truck to bring the supplies downtown.

Ali's father is documenting this - they call themselves Angels of Mercy and it is truly inspiring. Please watch.




Ali has brought many a tear to my eye with her mission, and as part of my new year - new me project, I will be going with them on their missions, and I will be issuing a challenge to my co-workers and friends to do the same.

I know that we all have financial difficulties and a lot of my "readers" (ok friends :P) are active within their own communities. But if you're not, or if you haven't been but intend to, please follow their example. They are indeed the future, and they will show us the way.

I hope all my wonderful friends have had a fabulous and safe Christmas season with their loved ones.

May 2008 bring you all the happiness and health you deserve.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.