Fathers...

Ok, it's been tough. Another old friend of mine just lost her dad this morning. And I sat down and really thought about that. So many people I know have lost their fathers in the last year, it's truly devestating to think about.

There was a group of us girls, years ago. Some came and went, but four of us stayed constant. Today, three out of four of us have lost our fathers. I'm the only lucky one.

My father had a heart attack almost twelve years ago. A quadruple bypass was the result. And I was scared. I mean, REALLY scared. He's my dad. I didn't want to contemplate losing him so young. I tried to write out the details of it all - especially his recovery, but I can't seem to find the words to say. To this day, it was the hardest period of my life.

In the last few years, two of the other girls lost their dads - one to cancer. I believe the other was a heart attack.

And I'm sorry, and very ashamed, to say, I wasn't there as well as I could have been for Cat when Douglas passed, and I wasn't there at all for the other.

When Bruce died almost two years ago now, Tami lost herself for awhile. And she had horrendous legal battles to fight with her stepmother. I was too self absorbed to notice. I always put it off - Well, I'll go see her tomorrow. Well, she's busy. And then, it was too late to be much help, so I avoided her altogether, because it seemed easier than dealing with her anger. I'm not much for confrontation when it comes to my friends.

Now, that combined with a whole lot of other things I am too ashamed to admit, the friendship is gone. And it is my fault. I don't ever expect her to forgive me. Because I know how hurt I would be if someone I loved wasn't there for me in my darkest hour. There would be no reasons, no excuses that I would accept.

But I vowed that I would learn, and be a better friend to those I could in their time of need.

Monday, the final girl, Tammy, lost her father to cancer as well. I remember her father - such a nice man with a fabulous sense of humor. We always called him Dad. Harris was a ton of fun when we were younger. I'm sad to say that as we got older, we drifted, as people often do.

I sat here and thought about how lucky I am. I still have my father with me. All four of us were Daddy's Little Girls, and we always will be. But I still have the chance to be with mine.

It might be too late to say I'm sorry. And it's too late to make amends with those I've hurt. But I can post this in memory of three great men, and in tribute to the wonderful women they raised.

A Father Is...

A Father is neither an anchor to hold us back
nor a sail to take us there,
but always a guiding light
whose love shows us the way.
The warm light of your love
shines in my memories and in my heart
reminding me of your guidance
your care, and most of all, your love

*I found that on the net - but there's no credit for it. But I thought it was just perfect*

My dad used to sing this to me every night up utnil I was ten I believe. At that point I thought I was too big to be sung to, but even now, there are days I just need to hear it.

Daddy's Little Girl

You're the end of my rainbow, my pot of gold.
You're Daddy's little girl, to have and hold.
A precious gem is what you are.
You're Mommy's bright and shining star.
You're the spirit of Christmas, my star on the tree.
You're the Easter Bunny to Mommy and me.
You're sugar, you're spice,
You're everything nice,
And you're Daddy's little girl.

I also post in memory of a fourth wonderful man, who raised a terrific son. Lew Cooke was a spry old guy, working in the security business at the age of 72, almost until the very end. Cancer also claimed this gentle soul. His son Ron is a good friend of mine, and he knows his friends are with him.

This was Lew's favourite song.

I DON'T NEED YOUR ROCKING CHAIR
George Jones

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

I ain't ready for the junkyard yet
'Cause I still feel like a new Corvette
It may take a little longer but I'll get there
I don't need no rockin' chair

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

Retirement don't fit my plan
You can take your seat, I'm gonna stand
An Eskimo needs a frigidair
But I don't need no rockin' chair

I don't need your rockin' chair
Your Geritol or Medicare.
I still got neon in my veins
This gray hair don't mean a thing.
I do my rockin' on the stage,
You can't put this possum in a cage
My body's old but it ain't impaired
I don't need your rockin' chair

My body's old but it ain't impaired
Yeah I don't need no rockin' chair

For all those that have lost their dad....my heart is with you. And for those of us lucky enough to still have our daddy's with us, cherish every moment.


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Just Because

I really don't have anything of merit to write about these days. It's been a tough new year so far. A friend of mine lost his father, to whom he was very close. My husband got into an accident with our truck - he's fine, but the truck's not - and my husband got the ticket instead of the guy who hit him. So not only do we have to dish out the deductible, we have to pay the fine too, AND our insurance will go up.

I took a major insult on the chin at a party last night - won't bother explaining what it was because frankly it's too long to go into. But needless to say, someone who I've totally been there for did something that insulted and snubbed me in front of our friends. And I'm pissed as all hell about it today.

AND, I'm totally stagnant when it comes to anything creative these days. I have no desire to write anything, unless I'm at work, and then it's a matter of no time to really think it through. And when I jot the points down, by the time I get around to looking at it, I forget the connectivity, and it doesn't make sense.

In short, life isn't going well.

That's not to say I'm not grateful for everything - I know it could be far worse. I have two jobs, friends that love me, a family I adore, and I'm relatively healthy - more or less. I haven't lost anyone in the last two years that I've been very close to (knock wood) and I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and the opportunity to improve my life every day.

It's a lot more than most people have.

So, while I am grateful, I'd just like to stew in self pity for a while.

Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Starting 2008 off right

Hey everyone! I'm baaaaaaaaack.

I have had NO time this past Xmas break to even breathe, let alone sit in front of the computer for the amount of time it would take to read all the wonderful blogs of my friends, and to write a year end review. It's just been too freaking busy around this place. And tomorrow, I head back to work (yeah - enthusiasm abounds XP).

But one thing that I was able to do this past break was to see my "nieces" (well, they're my sister in law's nieces, but we're all just one big family and I love them like they're my own).

Ali is going to be eleven, and she's in grade six. On a PA day last month, she went to work with her dad. Her father stopped to greet one of Toronto's many "displaced persons", and he called him by name. They chatted in Italian for a few minutes, and her dad handed the man a coffee. As they were walking away, Ali said "Dad, that blue blanket was ours." Her father responded "That's right honey. I gave it to him a couple of weeks ago."

This spurned Ali into action. She left the downtown core that day in tears, but with a determined resolve to help those less fortunate. With her own money, she started bringing food to the people living on the streets downtown. She would wait for her father to go to bed at night and search the cushions on the couch to see what change she could add to her "budget". Her dad brought her and three friends down one weekend, and they distributed sandwiches and blankets to those that needed. When their neighbours and the parents co-workers heard of this, they began donating money.

With $150, the kids budgeted and bought hats, mitts, scarves, basic essentials and food for the hungry. They made packs, and when a worker at Canadian Linen Services heard about their mission, he went on Facebook and challenged everyone who read his profile to come up with a donation. Then they donated the truck to bring the supplies downtown.

Ali's father is documenting this - they call themselves Angels of Mercy and it is truly inspiring. Please watch.




Ali has brought many a tear to my eye with her mission, and as part of my new year - new me project, I will be going with them on their missions, and I will be issuing a challenge to my co-workers and friends to do the same.

I know that we all have financial difficulties and a lot of my "readers" (ok friends :P) are active within their own communities. But if you're not, or if you haven't been but intend to, please follow their example. They are indeed the future, and they will show us the way.

I hope all my wonderful friends have had a fabulous and safe Christmas season with their loved ones.

May 2008 bring you all the happiness and health you deserve.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.


Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Christmas Meme...

Christmas Meme - Dixie invited everyone to play, so I thought - why not? I'm not feeling the greatest, and I'm three days behind in posting. This is fun and easy!!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? If it can fit in a box, I wrap it. Heck, even if it doesn't. I just love wrapping gifts.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. No pine neeles sticking in the cat's paws for weeks afterwards.

3. When do you put up the tree? December 1, but if I had my way it would go up November 1.

4. When do you take the tree down? first week in January

5. Do you like eggnog? Luv it especially when it's accompanied by my buddy Captain Morgan

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Tough call. I'd have to say my Holly Hobby Doll House when I was four

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, my mom was heavily into ceramics when I was a child, and her and my father made ours - poured, sanded, fired and painted.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My brother - he never tells you what he wants and always buys the latest gadgets before you even get the chance to think of it.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Ryan, my nephew, right now - he's 3 and obsessed with the movie Cars, so it's great.

10. Worst Christmas gift ever received? I don't know that I've ever received a bad one...

11. Mail or email Christmas card? Unless they DON'T have a computer, it's an e-card

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? It's a tie - The Year Without A Santa Clause and Christmas Even On Sesame Street

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Normally I'm shopping year round, but this year it's all last minute.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? That I have - but only when I know the other person will use it.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? TURKEY

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? White on the tree. Coloured everywhere elese.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Spiritual song would have to be O Holy Night, but for fun - nothing beats Jimmy Buffet Merry Christmas Alabama.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home. There's no place like home.

19. Can you name Santa's reindeers? Easy peasy...Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph

20. Do you have an Angel on top or a star? It varies from year to year since our family angel just couldn't hack it anymore.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Well, at home we open them Christmas morning, but at my sister in laws, we do it Christmas Eve.

22. Most annoying thing(s) about this time of year? Overcrowded mall parking lots where people follow you as closely as possible to get your spot.


NOW, for my Christmas music. I've mentioned three very important holiday items to me. And I will post here for my friends (it will also make my quota for songs - YAY - two birds with one stone).

The first is a song from A Year Without A Santa Claus - it's called I Believe in Santa Claus, and it's a sweet tune and always makes me feel warm and fuzzy.




The second is from Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. Called True Blue Miracle, it's a beautiful song about the wonders of the season.




And this third one is from JB's album Christmas Island, a song from which I believe I posted in my first holiday entry. This is called Merry Christmas Alabama and it also contains Jimmy reading The Night Before Christmas at the end of it. (Sounds like the song is done, but it's not, just takes about thirty seconds for the narrative to start) It's my favourite off his album.



Enjoy gang!



Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Freestyle Fridays - Pre-Xmas Ramblings from an overworked, overstressed Elf

Just who does the big guy think he is anyway?

Oh right - I forgot. He's "Santa Clause". He knows when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good.....

Yah, you ever stop to wonder HOW he knows all this? It's not cuz he's got super powers, or a magic mirror that tells him every single action of every single boy and girl, and it's certainly NOT because he's Albert Einstien.

It's because of US - the elves. That's right kiddies. We are the most top-secret, intricate network of spies this world has ever seen. Forget the CIA, forget the KGB. I know they spilled a little of our secret intelligence for the movie The Santa Clause (personally I think Tim Allen makes a better St. Nick than the big guy anyway - but DON'T tell him I said that), but they didn't get to the heart of the ELF organization.

I know, I know. I'm not supposed to spill any of this to the outside world, but seriously, I'm so sick and tired of S.C. getting all the credit for Christmas going smoothly. He gets all the cookies, all the milk, and all the glory, while we slave year round to make toys, gather intelligence and basically do his job.

In every town, all across the world, there are elves strategically placed in every community, in positions of honor. Some are teachers, some run businesses, and yes, some are even politicians. But it's what they do after hours that results in all the intel that S.C. has. I'm not going to give away EVERY secret, but just let me say this - check your garden gnomes periodically. Once all the information is gathered, it's compiled by a staff of four hundred female elves, all of whom are mothers, and they are the ones who make up the naughty or nice list. He doesn't know it all, he just reads it off the paper.

He's a figurehead I'm telling you. The only reason he's the face of Christmas is cuz he looks good in red - frankly it's not my colour. Not even green does me justice, but when I lobbied to change the Christmas colours to blue and silver I got death threats - if you can believe that. Who says Christmas is about peace and love? PFFT. You should see a typical day at the North Pole. Elves swearing at eachother, throwing toy parts, smoking on the line (which should be an immediate grounding, but he always lets it slide), and in general CHAOS.

Like today for example. All I did was tell Zippy that the Barbie he was working on had two left arms instead of a right and a left and he told me.....well, let's just say I can't repeat what he said without blushing, but it wasn't nice AT ALL. In fact if his mother heard that, she would have dragged him into the middle of the wash station and rinsed his mouth out. But she was on her lunch break.

I'm so frustrated I'm ready to QUIT - but there's not a lot of work out there for elves. Believe me, I've been surfing the net and the best I can come up with is working for those 1-900-sexy-elf numbers, and frankly, I find that a little demeaning. I did find an ad to work in a luggage shop, but the woman who ran it, Anndi, had an unnatural attachment to the inventory, so I high tailed it out of there.

I mean, I guess it's not ALL bad. There are worse places to work. Ever since they let Hermey open his dental shop, we've all gotten brighter smiles. And they do cover 80% of the work. Absolutely brilliant idea of his, that Hermey. Because the only place where candy and chocolate are more prevelant than the North Pole is Cupid's , but they've got their own dentist (with full coverage). And Rudolph will sometimes act as my night light if I have scary dreams about that Heat Miser guy. He threatened to melt the Pole the last poker game, all because Blitzen had a straight flush to beat out his full house. Thankfully, some guys named Vinny, Bruno and Guido talked him out of it very nicely, I'm sure.

And that Grinch guy? He's not evil. It's his JOB to steal Christmas every year from those Who's. Trust me, they know he's coming. And he hates to do it, he really does. That Jim Carrey gave him a sense of humor, but that's nothing compared to the real one. He tells the funniest jokes, and I have to be careful not to be drinking around him. Last time I did that, I spewed milk from my nose and had to clean up the stuffed cow we were sending to some crazy cow lady named Dana.

What about Frosty? Well, of course he makes his appearance every year for the kids, but the rest of the year he lazes about here doing absolutely nothing. Just sits on his fat, snowball behind and watches sports. He's got bookie in Vegas, and his gambling debts are legendary around here. SC is always bailing him out. BUT, he makes the best snowballs for the weekly battles, AND he has no problems helping out if you're REALLY in a pickle. This year, he really helped us out with his knowledge of something called Wild Irish Rose for some guy named Matt-Man. Apparently he wanted a fountain that just pushes it out all day every day. So we did that. It was nice of him. The stuff smells funny though, and Jingle and Jangle had a couple of shots of it. They couldn't stand for two days.

And, it IS great to watch the smiles of the kids on Christmas morning - we get it via satellite on the SCN. *sigh* Yes, he has a network named after him too. We all get bowls of popcorn and potato chips and veggie platters (that's Mrs. C's idea - she thinks we need to balance our diets and she's right), and watch sixteen different screens all day long. We did some pretty special gifts for a couple of very special girls named Bethany and Alice. And there's some amazing "guy things" whatever they may be, for a two select boys named Bug and Brennan. So we like to see how they react to these specialty items. There's nothing to compare to the smile of a child who's seen his hearts delight - except for maybe the smiles on the faces of the parents.

*Giggle*

I think the weirdest Christmas requests came in 1956. We had an influx of requests for hippopotamus'. What is the plural of that... oh well. Anyway, Gail Peevey released a song called Hippopotamus for Christmas, and wouldn't you know it - kids wanted them. Go figure huh? We had to do some fancy footwork around that, let me tell you. This year, we've had numerous requests for a grey haired, soul singing angel? Where the heck are we gonna get one of those?

Yeah, you know, maybe it's not all so bad. Are we underpaid? Yep. Underappreciated? Yep. Overworked? Oh hel...I mean heck yah. But, in the end, is there any place more magical at making dreams come true?

Nah. That darn mouse ain't got nuttin' on this place.

*checks list*

Black velvet pictures - check. A moose head? check. A miniature Soul Patrol mansion? And what is a Galford? And can someone tell me WHY we're running short on rubber ducks?

I think I'll go finish working on that Britney Spears play set. I just have to make the miniature booze bottles and it's ready to go.




Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

Thursday Thirteen Redux (sorry Turnbaby!) - What I Love About Christmas

Ok, got a little behind this week. (And this was ready for yesterday, but I got swamped at work and by the time I was done bowling and got home, and did laundry....anyway, you get the idea. I forgot to post). So I thought I'd take a cue from Matt-Man, and Bond, and pull a Christmas TT out of the archives. I've updated a few, but otherwise, enjoy!

Oh, and today's tune is one of my ALL time favourites - two of the most beautiful male voices ever recorded (besides Taylors) - Bing Crosby and David Bowie. This is the FULL version of Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth.



Ok, so, with it being Christmas time, I thought I would do my Thursday Thirteen about my favourite time of year.

SO….that being said – here we go…..

Thirteen Things about Angell and Christmas 13. The Carols – and no I’m not talking about my mom, although I do happen to love the woman. No, I mean the wonderful Christmas songs that fill us with cheer, a little bit of sadness, and generally remind us that there is something worth smiling about. I listen to them from the middle of November, and I don’t stop until New Years. 12. The presents – and no, I’m not talking about the ones I open up. I’m talking about the ones that I give to other people. I just love watching their faces when they open up what I’ve gotten them. This year, I got you-know-who Wrestlemania tickets, and let me tell you – keeping this secret is the hardest one I’ve ever had to keep. 11. The lights – oh my god the lights! The wonderful, colorful, fabulous, creative, twinkling, sparkling, creations that adorn the houses and trees in your neighbourhoods or in the city. There is nothing like a crisp winter night spent wandering through the streets taking in the amazing displays. 10. Family – ok, so I see mine on a regular basis, but there’s just something different about everyone getting together to pick out Dad’s Xmas gift, or finding just the right outfit to take the nephew to see Santa (after all, these pictures will outlast his childhood). 9. The Food – and yes, I mean all the junk. The cookies, baked especially for the season. The chocolates that everyone gives everyone else in the office. The smells of turkey and stuffing cooking on Christmas day. And of course, those specialty dishes that everyone hauls out for the season – and they’re ONLY made during the season. 8. Santa Claus – You’re never too old for Santa. Frankly, and to those that know me, this will come as no shock, I still believe in him. Every year, I leave out cookies and milk for the big guy, and a few carrots for the reindeer. Of course, every year they’re still there in the a.m. and I have to try and stop everyone from drinking the milk. But one day they’ll be gone…. 7. The shopping – most people think I’m insane when I say that, but I love the hustle and bustle of malls during the season. It’s different from the usual crowds. Everyone seems a little lighter (even while arms are overflowing with packages), more cheerful. 6. The weather – ok, so this year is a little screwy here in Toronto. But the usual winter weather for this time of year is clear, crisp and cold. But I can usually see the stars at night – not very clearly, but I can still see them. I don’t know about you – but I can SMELL Christmas in the air. 5. Wrapping presents – yes, I know I’m insane. But I love to wrap gifts. It’s calming and relaxing, and just overall enjoyable for me. In fact, most of the family enlists me to do their wrapping for them. 4. Generosity – Yes, I agree that it should come out every day, not just every Christmas. But to see complete strangers going out of their way to help someone else makes my heart smile. If every day could be that way…. 3. The events in the city – skating at city hall, taking in the windows downtown, hot chocolate in a little café after shopping all day, concerts happening in the court areas of the malls, Santa sightings, craft exhibits. There’s a never ending array of things to do during the holidays. 2. The smiles – look at the people that surround you. Not all of them will be, but most will be smiling. Not necessarily at anything in particular, in fact, they might not even be aware that they ARE smiling. But it’s there. And it makes you think, for just one moment, that there is hope for this world after all. 1. The Holiday TV Specials – there are new ones every year to look forward to, and the old ones are still so great. I watch A Christmas Eve on Sesame Street every Xmas eve (usually by myself cuz HE’S asleep). And I can’t miss A Year Without A Santa Claus (this year they made a live action one that was GREAT). SIGH – with so many great reasons to love Xmas, why would anyone be a Grinch? .

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Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

(This is our tree and the song playing is a staple at Christmas time in our house - even though my Dad keeps trying to ban the CD)





Stay sane inside insanity ~ and never forget your towel.